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Two liars were standing on a bridge and peeing. The first liar said, "Man the water is cold!" to which the second liar said, "And deep too."
 

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If a wife talked too much during the Middle Ages, you were often forced to wear metal torture devices on their face to serve as punishment by their husbands.

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Apparently being a chatterbox or a nag back in the Middle Ages could get you strapped into this thing, or numerous other metal torture devices meant to be worn on the face. It was known by various names such as scold's bridle, a witch's bridle, a brank's bridle, or simply branks. Either way, it was an instrument of punishment, used as a form of torture and public humiliation.
The devices had iron framework, screws, and sometimes a muzzle that enclosed the head. Though these were primarily used on women, the Burgh Records of Scotland's major towns reveal that the branks were also used on men at times.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Why don't Lobsters share............. Because they are shellfish.

Can we start a non-clean humor thread... I have some great Joke Biden meme 😄
I’m thinking we can post just about whatever we want.. I would think we all know professional limits on what we can post and what we shouldn’t on a public forum.
 

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck
Tech Support


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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Judi is explaining to Monika the bad day she'd had at work. Judi's boss had suffered a heart attack and died.

Monika said, "How horrible! What did you do?"

Judi shook her head. "There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn't tell me the rest of the numbers!"
 

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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers he balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist. "I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless."

The man below says: "You must be in management."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
 
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